Day 14 Lesson – Don’t be too quick to buy opinions
by Christopher Greenwood
I am always amazed at how Mohanji managed to handle all the situations, tasks, and events of the day with complete calm, composure and clarity. He is steady and unshakeable.
I asked him how best to handle delicate people, situations, and issues – when it comes to an opinion about the other person. They may have shared this out of genuine concern. But when you are not sure, what is the best thing to do? How to handle the situations and opinions of people?
He shared, “We should never get too carried away with the opinions of people because if we act, it’s our relationship with that person which can suffer. Best to take time to assess the situation thoroughly and then make our decision.”
Good morning, everybody. I hope you’re doing well.
Today is about a lesson which I have observed from Mohanji. Over the past month, and more specifically, we were speaking yesterday. I asked him really how he handles all the situations that come to him so effectively, especially when dealing with people. He is handling many situations, lots of tasks, activities and personal situations too, and a large portion of these are usually in relation to other people. But he handles each situation as an individual case, with care. He dutifully weighs up what action is required next. He gives absolute clarity – always cool, calm, composed, and steady, and rarely is there anything wrong in the action too.
So when I asked him how we should deal with people, especially opinions, or the situations emerging, and when we’re not quite sure on what actually the situation is, he shared this with me, and I share it with you.
So he said, “We can’t get too carried away when we hear information from somebody. Suppose somebody comes with an issue, a situation or a problem about a person. We shouldn’t be too quick to take their view because we don’t know what position it comes from, what position they are speaking from, especially if it’s likely to impact your relationship with that person. Because once it’s damaged, that’s very hard to repair. So when someone tells you something:
- Assess the whole situation, the past, the present, the future, analyze it, how it is.
- Take time to understand it.
- Take a decision.
He said, “Otherwise, how are decisions made – mostly based on emotions, from our own inherent stored data: ‘I know this person is like this, oh, yes, that’s how that person is.’ And we’re basing it just on what we know, what we have inside and our emotions. But we don’t know what’s happened to the person since we last spoke, or in general. They could have become enlightened the other day!”
That we don’t actually know people is the point Mohanji was trying to make – every day could be different. So when we say, “I know him, I know her”, we know them generally, but we only recognize the pattern as that person called, let’s say, Christopher or somebody else is. So that’s all we’re saying – when we say, “I know them. I understand something about their pattern.” But we don’t know why or what made the pattern. There’s no way to say; we only understand something in general.
But one day, it could change. And if it changes, then is our assessment right or wrong? It will be totally wrong. So for him, Mohanji said, he can’t really make a decision that way. Don’t get too carried away when you’re looking to make a decision. Always look at the merits of what’s presented in front. Also, the mood of that person who might be sharing some information could be very bad whenever they come, so they see it negatively. And that means then that if their opinions are coloured in that way, then our opinion could be wrong as well.
So when we bank on the opinion of other people, it can be very wrong. And especially if we get carried away, it can go very, very wrong.
So someone tells somebody, “I’m a very bad guy, I was in the pub, I was doing this, I was doing all these bad things”. And then someone tells that to somebody, how would they react? If they didn’t agree with it, potentially they could lose a relationship.
He said that we should be very careful of—especially those who have leadership positions. So always take time to make a decision. Don’t get carried away with people’s opinions. We need to know what position they are talking from. Because it could be revenge, they might want to tarnish some person’s name, so they talked about that person. And because they’re talking about him, other people will listen and say, “Oh yes, this person must be so bad. Okay. Did you hear what such and such said?”
And so don’t be quick to make the decisions too fast. Take time, understand. And that’s not to be passive or insensitive. But it’s important for us that when we decide, it should be well assessed. It’s very important because it’s you, it’s us, that have to live with the repercussions of whatever action we take.
And then Mohanji also mentioned something which is very rare. He said, “But even if you do hear that someone’s done something bad, or not so good, or you don’t agree with it, why don’t people first talk to that person? Why would they rather take opinions more quickly, rather than say to that person, ‘Look, all these people are saying these things about you. They’ve said that this has happened, this situation, this circumstance. What do you think about that? I mean, if it’s happening, you probably need to change.’ Give people the option to come back on track. But mostly, people don’t. They accuse, criticize, scandalize. You have to remember that that comes with a price that has to be paid, and it’s not the person who told you, it’s you actually who will pay – if you’re saying things”.
So, best to use time and make decisions well – that’s the message; it’s today.
I wish you a great day ahead. And I hope you’re enjoying this. Feel free to share them with anyone that you might think is interested. Have a great day.
|| JAI BRAHMARISHI MOHANJI||
Edited & Published by – Testimonials Team, 11th April 2021
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