“I held you the day you were born.”
These were the words Mohanji uttered as I left my meeting with Him for the first time in Shirdi, 2016.
Looking back at my life prior to meeting Him physically, I now know that He has held my hand, protecting me from the hedonistic life that I led.
My dad passed away when I was 5. Since then, life has been an emotionally turbulent ride. There was always a sadness looming in my heart. I’ve battled with depression from a young age. It is a numbness, a heaviness that I have felt most of my life.
It (negativity) loves to keep one stuck, stagnant and seemingly safe. Except that I did not realise that I was depressed, as I filled my life with parties and alcohol to keep the sadness at bay.
After my divorce in 2015, everything that I had suppressed since I was a girl came to the surface. I did not want to burden anyone with my feelings so l tried to cope by myself. Lost, empty and feeling very alone, I had become accustomed to certain emotions as it was all I had ever known. It had become normal. Lifeless…dead…debilitating.
WHEN THE DISCIPLE IS READY, THE MASTER APPEARS
During the month of April 2016, my mum mentioned that a spiritual Master- Mohanji, would be visiting Durban for a program. I visited the Mohanji website but it did not spark my interest then. I wished my mum well and told her to enjoy the program. My mum experienced profound changes that year and started regularly attending the programs at the Datta Tapovan ashram in Durban.
Fast forward to September 2016, two weeks before my 37th birthday, I received a call from my mum. She mentioned that an appointment had been confirmed for a healing session for me with Swami Bhaktananda – Mohanji’s senior disciple. I was annoyed because I did not want to fly to Durban, but she urged me to come. I’m so grateful that she did – thank you, mummy.
He knew I needed help. There is no other explanation.
My healing was so intense and scary – nothing had prepared me for that experience! I left the ashram feeling relieved, grateful and not a little confused. Later, I realised that Mohanji must have orchestrated everything.
MEETING MOHANJI AT SHIRDI
By Mohanji’s grace, I travelled to Shirdi in December 2016 for “A retreat with Mohanji in Shirdi.” I had no knowledge of Shirdi Sai Baba and remember wondering what on earth I was doing there. This was my first physical interaction with Mohanji, and I had no idea what to expect. I was so nervous as I walked into the Ahimsa restaurant where Mohanji and His other devotees were seated. He greeted me with a warm smile and shared a chocolate brownie with all of us.
The 12 days in Shirdi were magical! I felt so alive! Mohanji knew that my connection with Shirdi Baba had been there all along. My heart expanded when I listened to the Shej aarati (the night aarati) at Dwarkamai. For twelve days Mohanji showered us with love and kindness that I have never known in my life. It was an extraordinary experience and one I will never forget. Now, I am still annoyed with myself for not attending the program in April – a missed opportunity. I console myself with the thought that He knows when we are ready.
Within eight months of connecting to Mohanji, I had travelled not just to Shirdi but also to Kailash! I often asked myself what someone like me was doing in Kailash with Mohanji, and having dips in Mansarovar! It felt like a dream. At the same time, I know that all these events are through His grace. He sees me, not my mistakes.
Mohanji is incredibly unassuming. It is therefore difficult for us to comprehend the magnitude of who He really is. Do we realise the sacred union that we all share with Mohanji, with each other, with this path that we are so blessed to be on? 7.5 billion people on the planet and we are all connected to Him, whether we realise it or not.
He selflessly gives love and time to whoever needs it, anywhere in the world. My hope is that we never take His grace and love for granted.
The path, however, is not all plain sailing. This path of Shiva will test one, and I can say that I have been tested.
Tests come in many different forms: family, friends, devotees, blogs and one’s ego. Who and what should one believe? I choose to believe in my own experiences.
I have had numerous tests. Most recently, in February 2019, after attending the Kumbh Mela retreat, I left India feeling angry, jealous, hurt, and everything else in-between. I arrived in South Africa with thoughts like “I don’t need this shit.” Only after I calmed down, did I pray to Mohanji about my foolishness, and thanked Him for every emotion I felt. He brought to light that I have not accepted myself fully. It is something that I am now working on. Mohanji often mentions that spending time with Him is not as important as getting to know oneself. I realised that all the emotions that were triggered during this trip were for my growth.
Mohanji knows what each one of us needs, and what is necessary for us to evolve.
Mohanji has taught me that I chose each experience in this life – the depression, my family, every interaction and every emotion. As challenging as it seems at times,
- I hold on tight to my connection with Him, knowing He is with me at all times.
- He is my sunshine when there are dark days.
- He guides me and protects me without asking anything of me.
- I am almost embarrassed by my faith, but I know that He is holding my hand and that He has given me the tools to live this life with awareness.
I know that He held me the day I was born.
Now, I feel there is much work to do and no time to waste. I want to be free from all these samskaras (latent karmic tendencies) so that I can be useful in this world. Please keep an eye out on my Facebook profile for more of my future experiences.
Jai Mohanji …I love you, Mohanji.
|| JAI BRAHMARISHI MOHANJI||
Compiled, Edited & Published by – Testimonials Team, 2nd May 2019
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