In this 6th story of Mohanji Satcharita – Chapter 8, we have a beautiful sharing by Ilina, who found that connecting to the Master helped her overcome a deep-seated emotional trauma in her life. Through the process of ignoring her mind’s negative chatter and surrendering her expectations, she had a wonderful experience which helped her momentarily see the underlying Consciousness in all creation. Read other inspiring stories from Mohanji Satcharita – Chapter 8!
By Ilina Vedran, Macedonia
At the age of 14, I faced a big trauma in my life, which left a deep emotional mark on me. That was the reason I started to explore spirituality. For a long time, I worked to overcome the trauma and thought that I could fully get over it. However, there was still one part of the experience that pulled me back whenever I faced certain situations in which my security was questioned.
After my retreat with Mohanji, I felt deep cleansing of emotions but underwent hits to my ego, which were unpleasant. At one moment, the situation calmed down. At that point, I thought it was all over, but unknown to me, it was just a preparation for a bigger test that was about to happen.
One day I woke up feeling anxious. I had a feeling as if there was a time bomb inside me that could explode at any moment. To diffuse the anxiety, I started to do meditations and tried breathing techniques, but nothing helped. The feeling was so intense that it started to reflect on my relationship with my son. He started to become furious and expressed that anger onto me. I became aware that there was something big being expressed, and that Mohanji was guiding me through the process. That evening I sat down to meditate and suddenly I realised the reason for the situation that I was in. It was the trauma from my childhood – my mother’s death, which I thought I had got over. I felt so heavy, I couldn’t breathe. There was an unbearable pain in my heart. I decided to text Mohanji.
The next morning, I saw His reply when I awoke. Mohanji’s message to me said that this issue had a long history and that it was being repeated over and over. He recommended me to get Mai-Tri treatment and to speak to Devi. After reading His message, I felt disappointed and my mind started to make up stories like “He can’t help me; that’s why He was sending me to Devi.” I took a conscious decision to ignore those thoughts and I did write to Devi. However, for whatever reasons, Devi did not reply. This, I felt, was another test of my faith. My mind kept coming up with doubts and negative thoughts. In one moment, my mind’s chatter said to forget Mohanji, but on the other side, deep inside me, I realised that my mind was feeding me illusions.
I decided to turn off my phone and stop looking for answers. I sat down to meditate. During the meditation, I started asking myself: “Why am I alone?” Suddenly I felt intense energy, after which all the emotions were cleared, and what was left was a strong pain in my chest. I continued with my daily routine, but before going to bed, I again sat to meditate. Some intuitive force was guiding me through the meditation.
Then, all of a sudden, in my mind, my mother appeared in front of me. Many times I said to her, “You are free, go to the light,” but this time, something happened! I felt strong energy in my heart centre, and got a feeling as if something was taken away from there! Immediately, I fell asleep.
The next morning, I was feeling amazing peace! As I put my hand on my chest, I felt physical pain on the front of my chest, as though I had a bruise. However, I continued with my day without feeling any further pain. I was taking my child to a cinema, in a mall. As we were walking towards the mall, my awareness was different from how it had been before. After I dropped off my son, I decided to go shopping.
As I walked in the mall, I began feeling a lightness in my stomach centre, that rapidly spread over my whole body. Then, something unfamiliar started happening to me. I was aware of my body, but did not feel bound to it! I had a feeling that I was all over the mall. My mind pulled me to enter one shop, and I started to touch the clothes, but nothing that had a form, neither objects nor people attracted my attention. Everything was the same for me: insignificant! No material object could occupy my awareness.
At this point, my mind got confused, so I decided to leave the mall and started walking back home. On the way, I saw a white pigeon, which didn’t fly away when I came close. In the tradition that I was brought up in, a white pigeon is a symbol of the Holy Spirit. Deep inside me, I felt Mohanji’s consciousness and became aware that I was feeling so peaceful as never before. Everything that had happened before, came into my mind and it was crystal clear to me that I didn’t need any information from outside, because deep inside I knew the truth. Mohanji just took my attention so that He could help me, to work on me, and in no moment did He leave me alone.
Thinking back, I understand that I had to drop my expectations and to surrender, in order for the change to take place. The scenario of Devi’s non-response was arranged for my own good. It is always thus, but our mind’s chatter takes us away from the truth. Mohanji, on a subtle level, continually brings us face to face us with the Truth. His consciousness is always with us because it is part of us. Since I met Him, I have stopped caring about the things that have a form. I have not tried to analyse who He is, because something was intuitively pulling me to Him. I felt His unconditional love, and I realised that I was feeling my own true Self. His love is awakening love within me, a deep love that exists behind the noise of the mind. His presence reminds me of the things that I forgot when I came into this world: my real I.
After this experience, the sense of being-ness is getting awakened in me every day. It is an unexplainable feeling of lightness and love.
As Mohanji says, “If it passes, it is just an experience, but if it stays, it is yours.”
Temptations and emotions do come up from time to time, but for me, they do not have a significant meaning any more. I know that behind all of them is the Consciousness that connects me to Mohanji. I am that Consciousness, we all are.
Thank You Mohanji for showing me where to look, in order to reach the joy of my being!
|| JAI BRAHMARISHI MOHANJI||
Compiled, Edited & Published by – Testimonials Team, 26th May 2019
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